381 Miles From Provo to Las Vegas: Part One
Greetings from Provo, in the heart of Happy Valley, Utah. This is the most Republican-voting county in the United States. It also has the highest rate of antidepressant use in the USA, and the highest rate of what stats-compilers call “suicidal thoughts” — which means highest rate of people who call suicide hotlines or report suicide attempts and so on.
Without getting into details just yet, but if my NSFWCORP comrades are wondering what the fuck happened to me over the past six days when I was completely unreachable and cut off from the entire world... see first paragraph above.
Okay, I’m just about packed and ready for today’s “Freedom Drive” across the Mormon Zion, a five hour-plus ride in the NSFWCORPMOBILE that’ll take me from the BYU campus where Mitt Romney hid out the 60s, down southwest on I-15 through polygamy Fundamentalist Mormon country, then across the Nevada border and into Gentile Freedom, where I’ll finally be a Sephardic Jew protagonist again, and the rest of you fuckers are the Gentiles.
Oh, and since there’s an election going on, I’ll definitely be checking the polls here. Utah’s a big swing state, it’s totally up for grabs here. Real nail-biter. Just imagining Mormons here in Happy Valley in the voting booth: “H’m, let’s see. Should I vote for the rich Mormon guy? Or should I vote for the Seed Of Cain, the black guy, since after all we did recognize them as human beings starting in 1978....tough choice, tough choice...”
First thing I’m doing when I get to Vegas is call someone a dirty Gentile. So long as that Gentile is old, white, and wheelchair bound. You know why? Cuz I’m rock’n’roll 24/7.
Off to polygamy country!